On my first round I stopped by Rach-el's room to hang out. All I wanted to do was stop by and say hello but she spit in my face and shut the door. I brushed it off as her having a bad night but then I stopped by again on my second round. She dragged me in the room and demanded I clip her toenails. After I finished my second round Rach-el texted me and said there was a ladybug in her room that we needed to kill. I brought Ryan for backup in case she spit in my face again. Once we got to the A-Tower staircase there were rose petals and chocolates leading all the way up the stairs to Rach-el's room. When we got there we could hear "Two Is Better Than One" blasting from inside her room. Candles were lit everywhere. Ryan felt uncomfortable so we decided to leave. On my third round I wanted to make sure everything was alright with Rach-el because I'm a caring and sensitive guy so I went to tell goodnight but she spit in my face and told me to never talk to her again. On my fourth round Ryan went to go get Subway. I went up to Rach-el's room to see if she wanted anything. She screamed "NO" and ran out of her room and proceeded to slash Ryan's tires and smash his windshields. On my fifth round Rach-el kept trying to get me to go outside to kill a skunk. I told her no, as it is clearly stated in the Resident Advisor manual section 9.3 paragraph 2 line 6 word 8 letter 2 just before the period that it is illegal to go outside while on call. Curious, I looked outside and Rach-el had caught the skunk and was eating it raw. Apparently she was in a good mood. Then on my sixth round Rach-el told me she wanted to go for a walk to talk about something. To my surprise, when I got outside there was a pack of wolves waiting for me. Rach-el laughed and locked me outside. Luckily, Ryan jumped off his balcony, sharpened a rock, then threw away the rock, and killed the wolves with his bare hands. We stopped to catch our breath. Ryan looked up and said "oh hey, look a full moon, how romantic." We called Rach-el to go outside but she immediately turned into a werewolf. We were faced with dilemma. Do we kill Rach-el or get eaten alive? Ryan was torn between the woman he loves and certain death. Not blinded by love, I quickly climbed a tree and tore down the larged branch I could find. Ryan helped me sharpen while Rach-el was terrorizing a schoolbus of preschoolers. Once the stake was complete Ryan gave me a boost and flew 20 feet in the air and stabbed Rach-el in the heart. Unfortunately she was able to pull it out and stabbed it through my leg. At this point I was fatally wounded and both Ryan and I were trapped in a corner. Thinking all was lost I took out my cell phone and called Shelly to tell her I wouldn't be able to make breakfast tomorrow morning. Before I could find her number a faint voice in the distance started humming "I Am the Tiger". The faint voice grew louder as Rach-el came in closer for the kill. I was starting to lose consciousness but then out of nowhere Cynthia peered off the fourth floor Aldrich balcony. We knew she only had one shot. Ryan gathered his strength and stood up for one final stand while Cynthia loaded her weapon, which happened to be a silver bullet missile with a heat-seeking attachment. Before making his final stand, he took a deep breath, not wanting to accept that his one true love had to be destroyed. He stood over me and said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the day, saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'. I'm lost but I'm making good time. To accomplish great things, we must not always act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. I look at the world, and there is nothing to think ... nothing to say ... nothing to do ... nothing to feel ... but gratitude. Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love ... and to put its trust in life. Farewell brother, cover my office hours tomorrow for me." Not wanting to wait for Cynthia to finish loading her heat-seeking silver bullet missile launcher before it may be too late, Ryan went in for the kill. The battle was glorious. Ryan faught admirably, but he was no match for Rach-el. Rach-el delivered one final, fatal blow and Ryan was knocked to the pavement, unconscious. He managed gather one final breath, wanting to finally reveal his true feelings for Rach-el, but before he could gather his strength Michael Lapointe came out of nowhere to take pictures. The series of flashes from the camera was enough to put Ryan in a coma. Rach-el, seeing that the battle had been won, turned to me. Knowing all was lost, I prepared for death. But then something strange happened. Rach-el, seeing what she had done, began to transform back into her human state. She quietly began sobbing, seeing what she had done. It seemed as if things were finally beginning to go back to normal and I could begin my seventh round. But then, Cynthia, not realizing Rach-el was already transforming back into her normal state, took the shot. Rach-el collapsed to the ground, nearing death. Before she took her final breath, she was able to mutter "But I always loved ...", but died before she could reveal who she truly loved. At this point I was really screwed, and Ryan and Rach-el were dead. Then out of nowhere a small toy fire truck came roaring down Lower College Road towards me. It stopped in front of me and a miniature Charles Hall appeared. He told me he could grant me four wishes, and then began telling me a story about how he used to teach at a Catholic boy's school. Having heard this story many times before, I cut him off and rubbed his fire truck. My first wish was for Ryan to come back to life. My second wish was for Rach-el to come back to life. My third wish was for myself to be healed. And my fourth wish was for a back massage from Elise. We all got back up and realized it was 9:55, almost time for Jersey Shore. Rach-el told us she'd meet us in the lounge because she needed to change her outfit for the fifth time today. On my final round I had to tell a couple residents to close their doors but other than that everything went pretty smoothly.
All in all, it was just another brick in the wall.
Mike
P.S. Me and Ryan's new ping pong record now stands at 609.
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